Dear Family and Friends,

The year’s first sunrise over Busan was magnificent. I don’t know if you recall my version of the beginning of 2007, when we rang a Buddhist bell at midnight and watched over Busan’s horizon for the sun’s first appearance of 2007, but the sun did not appear to rise that day last year. At the time, I was likely too dazzled, perhaps by the moment, perhaps by the strange beauty of Korea, to feel disappointment that day. But on the first day of 2008, I find that I am less easily dazzled; therefore, a sun, beaming layers of gray clouds into lavender, felt propitious – although time will tell whether it actually was.

As always, it has been too long since I have posted to this blog. For better or for worse, I post most when I spend time with my own thoughts – so much time alone that my thoughts must be spilled. Consequently, I end up frantically typing for hours which results in my depositing my accumulation here. More like my busy daily life in Seattle than when I first departed to Thailand by my lonesome, now I have lots of friends in Daegu and can remain ever as busy as before – which means I do not spend nearly enough time with my thoughts.

But another, more complicated inhibitor to my needing and wanting to write for this blog is, uhmmm… well… this may sound strange, but another inhibitor to this blog is my ability to assess and write about Korea accurately, honestly. You see, it does not take long to for a visitor to Korea to understand that Koreans collectively passionately desire the world to see Korea in, shall we say?, its best light. And if the visitor becomes in any way attached to Koreans, as I have, then it doesn’t take much longer for the visitor to want, to deeply want, the world to see Korea as Koreans wish it to be seen. Criticism of Korea, whether positive or negative, is… difficult… although paradoxically, Koreans are over-critical of themselves.

This is indeed a paradox. It makes my brain hurt. Ouch.

But the larger problem for me in writing about my life in Korea, is that Korea was and remains a puzzle. To this day, I find Korea and Koreans more baffling than not - and when baffled, it is astonishingly easy for a visitor to judge everything, simply everything, as CRAZY. But crazy is not an accurate assessment of Korea; it has taken me a great deal of time and study to establish even an elementary understanding of Korea. Observing the motions of Koreans within their daily lives constantly requires my subjecting everything two mental test questions: “(1) Does this phenomenon happen in the States? (2) Is this strange human nature behavior or strange Korean behavior?” Even if I can answer these questions (and I cannot always) and even after careful mental examination, I continue to feel inhibited to criticize, inhibited in telling the truth, well, at least the truth as I see it.

Once I put my truth-telling dilemma to my Korean English teaching peers. I asked, “How shall I share Korea with my friends and family? In my experience, it makes Koreans sad when I want to tell my family about garbage on the beaches or elementary students wildly hanging out the windows of their schools - but that Koreans really want me to brag about how amazing the shipbuilding at Hyundai Heavy Industries is or how incredible the Tripitaka Koreana is. (Note: the Tripitaka is an ancient collection of 81,258 woodblocks Buddhist Scriptures and I haven’t bragged about it here but I should!). I believe it right to share Korea with honesty – but I fear it disloyal to a country that has been wonderful to me if I am honest. So, how shall I share Korea with my friends and family?”

Their initial reaction was a thoughtful, almost sad silence. The silence itself a confirmation of my understanding, of my dilemma. Finally, one peer said, “I think you should tell the truth. It is true that we want the world to regard Korea well but you should tell the truth and you should not worry.” Our other peers nodded, soberly, in agreement. They vaguely understand that I like to write but they do not know about this blog and experience has informed me that the views of my peers are unique and that others may not be as fair-minded if they were to discover this blog. And, of course, my problem with accuracy remains. All of which combines to inhibit me in needing, in wanting to write about my life in Korea.

But I shall miss the next first sunrise, magnificent or not, over the sea of Busan on January 1^st, 2009. As you know, I am absent from the people that I consider home to explore the world – to sow wild oats, as a friend and I laughed just the other day – and I will be exploring elsewhere next year. So if I do not share the Korea that I love – garbage and all – with you all now, then when shall I?

Love,
Laura

My last supper of 2007....